My Tam Integration Journey

  • onward, baby

    James Earl Jones died yesterday. I love this clip of his performance in Fences. “Don’t you try and go through life worried if somebody likes you or not. You best make sure that they are doing right by you.” 🫰🏻🫰🏻🫰🏻 As promised, barring further interesting developments, this will be my last post on my Tam…

  • unsafe

    Just as the ferry eased out of the berth the intercom crackled with a prerecorded message that was misshapen but timely. It began this way: “This is an important safety announcement from the transit authority.” And though no one asked me to do so, I finished the announcement before the recording could, loud enough only…

  • Divine Beloved,

    On Saturday, March 2nd, 2024, I got out of bed around 2am and ate three-point-something grams (gifted to me, by the way, by one of my Tam cohort mates before the program had even started). Earlier, before going to bed that evening, I’d messaged my dear brother Malcolm (a great man, pay him a visit):…

  • other substances part 2

    I continued my hapé practice throughout the retreat weekend, sitting either in the tea room or in the classroom space during the breaks. After the changa ceremony on Saturday, February 10th, I went into the tea room to do my sit and Jess was there. She looked like she was trying to pull herself together…

  • other substances part 1

    Some believe that shaming is character-building when, in fact, it is the true definition of character assassination. – Brian D. Mahan, I Cried All the Way to Happy Hour Daniel Shankin asked me to leave his year-long Tam Integration Psychedelic Integration Coaching Training Program on February 29th, 2024 – about four and a half months…

  • i love you very much

    Happy Tuesday Wednesday! I was writing this post yesterday when I got a call from a friend of mine who’d sat with the toad this past Saturday. He was in a Whole Foods on the other side of town, ass over teakettle in the churn of destabilization. There’s probably a post in there for another…

  • harm reduction

    The zoom meeting with Daniel Shankin and Erica Siegal of Shine Collective was set for the following Tuesday, February 20, 2024. Here’s what I remember about the call. Daniel began by apologizing to me, although I don’t remember for what exactly. Maybe it was for the fact that Jess (not her real name) – the…

  • i’m not shaming and blaming

    Happy Tuesday! This post picks up where the previous one – “doing the thing” – left off. The following Thursday – February 15th, 2024 – Daniel (Sitaram Das) Shankin messaged me on Signal. “Hi,” he said. “Are you around to talk about something that happened at the retreat?” “Yeah,” I responded. I called him on…

  • doing the thing

    Before I get into the topic for today’s post, a bit of meta-processing…. First, I want to say that I wanted my $9000 back from Daniel Shankin. And it looks like I’m walking away without a dime. Daniel and I want different things, and we couldn’t come to an agreement. This blog is my effort…

  • down the sales funnel

    I share the following so that the reader might get a sense of where I’m coming from, and the context in which I found myself drawn to the Tam Integration Psychedelic Integration Coaching Training Program. I was born in Santa Monica, California in 1981. Before I came along, my parents pulled a Brady Bunch, so…