Happy Tuesday Wednesday!
I was writing this post yesterday when I got a call from a friend of mine who’d sat with the toad this past Saturday. He was in a Whole Foods on the other side of town, ass over teakettle in the churn of destabilization. There’s probably a post in there for another day….
Anyway –
Here’s the next installment of my Tam Integration Psychedelic Integration Coaching Training Program saga!
On February 29th, 2024, Daniel Shankin sent me a message.
“Are you around later today?”
“What time,” I said.
“1:45 pacific?”
“Sure how can I be of service”
“Cool I’ll call”
The call came through as I was wrapping up a HIIT session on the spin bike. I picked up, and after explaining why I was out of breath, Daniel said “it gives me no joy to say this, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Ok,” I said.
Even before hearing this news, I had lost any remaining trust I had in Daniel. The primary reason was a growing sense that I was being gaslit. My mind kept returning to the first call we’d had about the incident…how he’d told me that this issue had been taking up all of his time, that I was guilty of unintentional harm, that Jess had found her interaction with me misogynistic…but that he wasn’t shaming and blaming me. I’d been wondering if any of that had been necessary to share, given that the purpose of the call was to set up the meeting we’d had with Erica. And I was beginning to agree with what Daniel had said in that meeting, that perhaps he was not as expert in handling these things as he had thought.
So I didn’t say much on the call, and I don’t remember everything he said. I remember his offer to have a conversation about the possibility of “deferring” my $9,000 payment to participation in a future cohort. I remember that there was no mention of a refund. I remember him telling me “I love you very much.” And I remember how he closed the call.
Daniel said that he’d had much discussion with Erica and his assistant teacher Robin Alexandra. “I don’t know how much you want to know,” he said.
“What do you think would be helpful?” I asked.
Daniel said there was concern that my “use of other substances” had impaired my judgment, and that he himself had spent a lot of time in men’s groups learning about things that bother women. I thanked him and said goodbye.
The next day I emailed him. Subject: I will not be deferring. Message: Thank you 🙏 . I cc’d my attorney, who also happens to be my wife. It was likely the last direct communication I will ever have with Daniel.
Next time I’ll write about my “use of other substances” and, maybe in a separate post, my psilocybin journey two days later, as I continued to process this experience.
Thanks for being here.